why is Washington Post winning TikTok

hey, it’s me. 

your favorite being on this flaming rock of a planet.

May has officially entered the chat. every time i breathe, i sneeze seven times and contemplate a career in mime.

which means pollen’s high, attention spans are low, and the Met Gala happened.

Rihanna showed up. pregnant. again. (icon behavior)
and i — desperate for a single note of new music — tried to sneak in wearing a “ChatGPT is my therapist” tee. 

security said, “NO.”
rude.

i sobbed under an umbrella-ella-ella while my fyp served me weight loss hacks i did not ask for.

is it a sign? is it the algorithm? is Mercury in Gatorade?

meanwhile, Trump’s out here playing musical chairs with TikTok like it’s 2011. 

anyway, i’ve returned from my content cave with the usual hit of what’s hot, what’s cursed, and what’s low-key plotting your Q2 downfall.

let’s scroll. let’s scream. let’s win.

tiktok is spiraling, monetizing, and slaying. all at once

TikTok just got hit with another "pls pack your bags" notice from Trump 2.0.  They've got 75 more days to find a U.S.-based buyer - or get banned. A bunch of big names (hi Amazon, Microsoft, Alexis Ohanian- Reddit co-founder, Perplexity AI) are reportedly lining up to buy, but ByteDance still needs China’s approval.

Meanwhile, TikTok Live is bringing in over $10 million in daily creator revenue. Yep, DAILY. Creators are out here collecting coins like it’s Mario Kart.

Key stats:

Also, brands can now send TikTok ad leads straight to WhatsApp, Messenger, or email. No more talking to the void in TikTok DMs. Basically, it’s a lead-gen upgrade... with less ghosting, more bag-chasing. 

Oh, and TikTok just gave Pulse ads a power-up. Now brands can show up next to top-performing content in even more categories - think beauty, fashion, gaming, cooking, and pets. Yes, ads next to pet videos. Game over.

Plus, new formats like Pulse Premiere Conversations, Seasonal Moments, and Pulse Trends help brands align with viral content, holidays, or pop culture convos in real time. 

instagram’s cooking

The new Edits app brings AI-powered features to mobile video, including smart cutouts, background changes, and text animations—making content creation easier and more polished on the go.

They also added new fonts and voice effects for Reels so now we can finally stop editing on six apps, one laptop, and our cousin’s iPad. Blessings.

Meanwhile, over in Miami, Meta just announced Conversations Conference 2025 , where it plans to share updates on AI, messaging, and tools designed to help brands build stronger, more direct customer connections.

the washington post is better at tiktok than you. let that sink in.

No offense but… how is a newspaper out-contenting your brand?

Like fr, the Washington Post is on TikTok doing skits, memes, and trending audios like it’s their full-time job (it literally is) — and they’ve got 1.8M+ followers to prove it. 

The Washington Post is not just breaking news — they’re breaking the damn rules.

This is how:

AND before you say “but we’re not the WASHINGTON POST” 

If a newspaper can do it, so can you! 🧠 Take notes or take the L. Either way, stop being boring.  

mood

btw this is my morning alarm (i hope my boss doesn’t see this)

3 years’ worth of serotonin

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